Letting Go of Control
Letting go control
Here is a big one– letting go.
I think most of us, at some point in our lives, have struggled with letting go—whether it's a person, how things should have turned out, or most often, the need to control something.
The truth is, for many people who deal with anxiety or overthinking, the issue isn’t how much control we actually have. It’s the belief or illusion that we’re supposed to have control that causes the struggle. The reality is, we don’t have control over anything but ourselves.
In an attempt to protect ourselves, we try to predict, manage others, or prevent every possible outcome. We pour our energy into helping others, often trying to fix everything for them, instead of focusing on ourselves. Because sometimes it is easier than having to look at ourselves. We resist change because we rely on a controlled environment to feel safe.
Over time, this turns us into a tense, overly responsible version of ourselves—constantly trying to shield people and situations we were never meant to control. And in doing so, we only end up hurting ourselves.
You can teach. You can inspire. But you cannot change anyone. Forcing anything will only leave bruises.
I read Mel Robbins' Let Them Theory earlier this year, and while some may see it as overly idealistic, I believe that if we truly understand the core of what she’s saying, it could change everything.
At its heart, it’s about letting go. It is like the serenity prayer:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
That’s the essence of let them—why are we trying to control someone else’s feelings or actions? If they wanted to, they would. If they make a mistake, they need to experience the outcome naturally. People need to go through things themselves. It doesn’t mean they don’t care. If they mess up, let them. When it truly matters, they’ll come back and apologize on their own—not because you asked them to.
You cannot control someone else’s emotions or behavior. It’s not protecting them—it’s robbing them of the chance to grow, to learn from their experiences, to feel, and to take responsibility. You’ll start to notice that things flow more easily when you stop trying to control them—when you allow rather than force.
There’s a difference between forcing or begging, and teaching, guiding, or inspiring. Believe in others, believe in yourself.
Often, things fall into place when you loosen your grip. I’ve seen this in so many areas. People say that when they stop actively searching while dating, that’s when real connection appears. It’s like holding a dog’s leash too tightly—they feel the tension and pull harder. But when you’re relaxed, so are they.
Even with weight loss, people often see progress during times when they’re not obsessing over dieting—because they’re no longer consumed by the need to control. It’s the addiction to perceived control that gets in the way.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to step back—and let it happen.
How does this habit of controlling start?
Control is rooted in fear.
We try to control everything because of what we think will happen if we don’t, we are scared of the unknown.
But we forget, all the beauty in our lives, we never knew how those things would turn out? We cannot decide how things will be. We need to let it happen.
We do this often without even realizing it. We decide—before anything has happened—that someone doesn’t want us, that they’ll react negatively, that we’re not good enough, or that we won’t be able to handle something. Or, we beg and force. We do this to protect ourselves from potential pain or rejection.
But what we don’t realize is: that is the negativity. That’s living in fear before the moment even arrives. And in doing so, we rob ourselves of the experience altogether.
Do what you feel is right for you, don't avoid it. Communicate, don't beg.
We think that if we hold on tightly, nothing will change, and nothing will hurt us. But if we accept impermanence—which we must—we begin to appreciate people and moments so much more. You never know when it will be the last time you experience something. You stop trying to control others and start appreciating them for who they are.
And if who they are ends up hurting you, it’s not your responsibility to fix them. Your only job is to protect yourself and step away when needed. Doing it for you, not them.
The beauty of the unknown, the beauty of impermanence.
If you think about it, all that perceived control, not having fun, telling people what to do, not expressing yourself, telling people how to treat you. Did it work? Probably not. People know deep down what's right and wrong, people judge what they want to judge, and are going to do and feel what they want. So respectfully, giver yourself the power back. Stop using all your energy outside yourself.
There have been studies suggesting that a person could be truly happy living out seven completely different versions of their life—think sci-fi-style alternate realities. It’s estimated that there are at least seven distinct paths your life could take that would still bring you genuine happiness.
Yet we often convince ourselves that only one career, one person, one place, or one outcome will make us happy—that things have to go a certain way. But how do we really know that? We've only experienced the life we've chosen so far.
Let go of that idea. The truth is, most things can work out if you're willing to get out of your own head and shift your perspective. You don’t need to control every outcome, because that one vision you’re clinging to isn’t the only version that could bring you joy.
Let the world surprise you.
The act of surrender gives you much more than the act of control.
Has anyone ever described you as a bit highly strung? Do you tend to take on too many tasks at once? Does it feel like you have hundreds of tabs open in your mind?
When you're living like that, your memory can start to slip. You might struggle to fall asleep, bounce between bursts of high energy and deep fatigue, and find it nearly impossible to be present in the moment.
And the irony? Years of trying to stay in control only leave you feeling less in control.
We push ourselves so hard thinking it’s making us stronger—but often, it’s just making us tired.
To truly let go, we need to surrender. Stop fighting. Stop pushing against the natural flow of life. Stop trying to manipulate every detail just to feel safe. The most beautiful pottery is shaped with a gentle touch—not a tight grip. The same goes for life.
The beauty of letting go?
All that time and energy you've spent trying to control the world and other people—you can finally give back to yourself. You can pour it into creativity, connection, and the people who allow you to just be you.
Remember, it’s the pure ministry of presence that matters most. You don’t always need to do, say, help, or fix. That’s not your job.
Sometimes, things unfold whether you’re there or not. And when they do, your task is simple: let it go, learn, and grow. People don’t need you to fix everything—or fix them. They just need you to be there, and to hold space with them.
Steps to take, if we want to get out of this habit:
Ask yourself - What am I afraid will happen if I let go of control?
Is it really worth being upset about? What will happen if I don't control it? Perhaps the alternative is beautiful. Or will provide you with clarity. Maybe the new route and unexpected plans are even better? People will come to you on their own if they want to. More so when they feel you accept them. So be open to experiences and choose to give your worries about things that actually matter. What people think and say about you is none of your business, because guess what, you know who truly knows the truth about your life and who you are? You.
Stop involving yourself in drama.
Does your life feel out of control, so you involve yourself in trying to fix others? Their business in theirs, not yours. Act when you are asked. Know your boundaries. Control your own life. You cannot ultimately fix anyone or anything outside of yourself, they have to. Support is about being there, not giving answers. Sometimes you are able to be a lot more present for someone you care about by just being there, not trying to solve any issues, just being there.
Living for you.
You need to stop letting your conditioning and your fears stop you from living. Sometimes things happen that are outside of your control, worrying about it doesn't change that. Pain is supposed to be felt, then we heal. Stop avoiding your feelings and trying to fix other peoples lives to feel like you have self worth. You are enough, as you are. We are strong and resilient and we have this amazing life to live. Stop holding yourself back trying to control others and the world and how people perceive you. You don't have that control. You can be respectful, kind and loving without sacrificing your boundaries, and your wellbeing.
Accept a positive view of the world
Choose to believe people are inherently good. We all come into this world pure and open. Experiences and our choices change us. We get to decide who we want to be, through the cards we were dealt. Yes, sometimes people have bad intentions, people let their trauma become who they are. That does not need to be you. You can always give leeway, but you need to know your limit.
Life is all about connection, but you need to be connected to yourself, to truly connect to others.
And you? Amongst all the fear, the pain and the trauma. How we were raised. What we were told, we forget - You get to choose who you are.
You can create yourself.
So live, be the person you are proud of, and be present in your life. Then you will be present for everyone else.
Be here now, you get one life, so live it.
Let what does not serve you, go.
With all my love,
CDW.
